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“So, you’re here to talk about your retarded daughter.”

Beverly Jacobson could not believe it when she heard these words spilling out of the neonatologist’s mouth. Looking for care, answers and hope, she was greeted with a gut punch.

Beverly knew that it was possible her daughter would be born with Trisomy 18, a rare disorder in which a child is born with an extra copy of chromosome 18. The doctors had warned her about the early signs her daughter was displaying. For example, in all the ultrasound photos her daughter clenched her fists, which is one of the distinct markers of Trisomy 18. It was true that if Beverly’s daughter did survive, her life would look much different than a child without Trisomy 18.

But “retarded,” “drain on the family,” “futile life”? None of these were accurate descriptions of her daughter Verity, whom she and her husband had already named and already loved. When Beverly and her husband spoke with this neonatologist, who called her daughter these offensive names, she could feel a strength rising within her. She describes this moment as her “Mama Bear” moment when she knew that she had to be the voice for her voiceless daughter. She knew she could do it.

When it was confirmed that Verity did have Trisomy 18, Beverly and her husband were faced with preparing for the future. How long would Verity survive? Should they be preparing for a funeral or for a birth? How would Verity’s life affect their large, homeschool family?

Defying the odds, Verity was born on February 28, 2017.

18 days after birthing Verity, Beverly and her husband were able to take her home from the hospital. Though bringing their child home from the hospital was a joyous day, it was met with many challenges. As they began this journey of raising Verity, they were tasked with understanding very complex daily medical responsibilities, navigating depressive episodes with little to no sleep and raising their other 8 children.  For around two and a half years, every day was survival for the Jacobson family.

But they didn’t have to do it alone. Beverly and her family were able to find support through resources that they didn’t even know existed. They found counseling, therapy for Verity, online resources and Trisomy support groups who surrounded them with hope. Now, Beverly uses her own experience to be that support for other moms who find themselves in similar situations.

Beverly went from a mom who said, “I don’t know if I can do this,” to becoming a “mama bear” who helps other moms discover the strength and resources that they have. Beverly discovered her heart for helping moms when they receive difficult diagnoses for their children. She can empathize with the emotional struggle that so many mothers go through when they face that initial shock of diagnosis. She understands that it is such a vulnerable time and that it takes a village to care for these women. Beverly’s nonprofit, “Mama Bear Care” offers that village to moms like herself who are looking for answers and support. Beverly’s organization offers resources, counseling, prayer and community to struggling moms. After talking with hundreds of other women, Beverly was struck by the number of women who are pressured to abort their unborn babies when they are given a life limiting diagnosis such as Trisomy 18, or another genetic disorder. Sometimes, the doctors will just assume that the mother wants to abort, so they will schedule the abortion appointment for her even before asking. It is shocking that the doctors would so readily assume that the child is no longer wanted once the diagnosis is confirmed.

Though Verity’s life looks different from other children, it is of no less value. Many children with Trisomy 18 have a short lifespan, but Verity is still enjoying life today as a 7-year-old. One of Beverly’s favorite things about Verity is how she will burst out in giggles, unannounced and unashamed. Verity’s joy is electric and spreads to the whole family. Her fists are no longer as clenched, thanks to quality therapy. Beverly lovingly talks about how Verity’s unique physical makeup makes her so beautiful. The little notch on the side of her mouth means she’s always ready to smile.

To other moms, Beverly’s message is that the blessings far outweigh the hardship. Though rocky, Verity’s journey has been beautiful. At the time of her pregnancy, Beverly was overwhelmed with doubt and despair from doctors and from herself. Looking back, she is now able to see the beauty amidst all the struggles.

To quote Beverly, “I would do it all over again. For not only the joy of seeing Verity grow and develop and become things they never said she would…but also watching how it has strengthened my faith, marriage and family. All the things that doctor warned me about. Verity has changed all of us for the better.”